SATISFACTORY SEXUAL RELATIONS
It would be possible to write almost interminably on this
subject from a theoretical standpoint. But this is neither practical nor necessary.
Sexual intercourse, which can lead to great happiness or great misery, is not a
complete mystery to any person. When there are problems, it is usually because
there are certain gaps in knowledge and understanding. And what we shall try to
do here is to close those gaps, gaps that have been narrowed by the efforts of
many physicians who, through tactful inquiry, have sought to help patients in
whom they suspected that sexual maladjustment, even though not mentioned by the
patients, might well be a source of psychological and psychosomatic problems.
We do not feel that it is within our province to take moral stands but rather
to state problems and questions that most commonly concern husbands and wives
and to try to provide information on the basis of established knowledge,
dismissing the misconceptions and myths that even today prevail.
Is it necessary to read extensively on the subject of sex,
to study many manuals about it? Some books can be helpful, but much more
important for a successful sexual relationship than encyclopedic knowledge is a
striving for mutual enjoyment rather than emulation of the practices of others
per se, or an attempt to follow some rule in a book.
Generally, the fewer
idealized goals that a husband and wife set for them to attain, the more likely
they are to achieve sexual happiness. Should a couple have sexual intercourse
prior to marriage to determine whether they are compatible? Whether or not to
have premarital relations is a matter for each couple to decide. However, it
seems naive to us to believe that one can successfully "test" so
subtle and delicate a matter. A satisfactory sexual adjustment is seldom
achieved at once; much more often, it is developed gradually. Does the size of
the respective organs of man and woman play an important part in the success of
their relationship? Many men have worried unduly because they feared they were
too small; many women have worried because they thought they were too large to
give pleasure or so small as to make intercourse painful.
Except in rare instances, relative size of genital organs is
no problem because of the possibility of using techniques that will minimize
any difficulties. It is worth noting that the vagina is greatly expandable; in
fact, it has been established that at one stage of sexual excitement, it
balloons so that if intromission occurs at the proper time, any vagina can
accommodate any penis. Can earlier-in-life masturbation affect ability to have
successful sexual relations? Any harmful effects of masturbation are due to
fears and guilty associated with it. Physically, no damage is done. Almost
everyone has practiced some form of masturbation; 92 percent of all men
interviewed by Dr. Kinsey recalled having practiced it at some time; 88 percent
of unmarried men practiced it between ages 12 and 20, and some 50 percent did
at age 50. The practice among females is scarcely less general, al- though it
is often incomplete or only partially conscious.
Does youthful petting inhibit
later satisfactory sexual relations? It is usual for young people to engage in
some form of lovemaking which stops short of intercourse. It is a common way
for them to discover, or demonstrate, their physical attraction for each other.
Petting that is pro- longed or habitual and involves great self-restraint to
stop short of actual intercourse may have a temporarily bad effect. For
example, if a girl has been accustomed to being on guard against letting she go
too far, she may have some difficulty, when first married, in relaxing and
enjoying the sexual act. But, in general, petting is good preparation for full
sexuality.
