Is earlier sexual experience with others helpful or harmful
in establishing successful relations with one's spouse? Premarital experience
is certainly not necessary. Ideally, experience in the art of lovemaking should
be obtained with one's chosen mate. It is often distressing to the other
partner, especially a man, if the spouse has been intimate with someone else.
But since modern civilization makes it difficult or even impossible for people
to marry until long after they reach maturity, premarital sex experiences do
occur. We think it important to realize that loving some- one as he or she is
involves understanding that even past relationships have contributed to
creating the person one loves.
Does an earlier homosexual experience mean that a person
cannot have normal sexual relations? Studies have shown that many men and an
appreciable number of women have had some sort of homosexual experience which
did not interfere with normal sexual relations later. However, we feel that
anyone who is concerned about such an experience should discuss it frankly with
a doctor or competent counselor, since homosexuality is a complicated problem.
Is the wedding night crucial in establishing satisfactory sexual relations? It
can be.
The bride may be tense and overwrought, especially if the
wedding was a large one. She requires great consideration from the groom, who
is usually nervous himself. While there have been instances in which the shock
of the wedding night experience has produced lasting damage to a girl's
attitude toward sex, we are inclined to believe that such danger is less great
now than in the past when many brides had no concept of the nature of
intercourse. While a husband may find it difficult to avoid causing his bride
some physical discomfort at this time, his tenderness is likely to be
sufficient to compensate. The bride should, if possible, select a wedding date
far removed from her menstrual period. Also, the couple should not add a long
journey to the stressful (even though happy) wedding day.
It is best to stay at
a place near the wedding reception. If there must be a tiring journey with
arrival late at night, perhaps the sexual consummation will be happier if
delayed until both have had a restful sleep. Some wedding night difficulties
can be avoided if the bride has had a preliminary medical examination. In some
virgins, the hymen, the membrane at the opening of the vagina, may not rupture
easily, and this makes intercourse painful or impossible. In such cases, it may
be removed by a physician, a procedure so minor that it hardly is worth calling
an operation. The hymen also can be stretched, according to medical directions,
prior to marriage. Before the wedding night, the marriage partners should discuss
birth control with each other. Also, your doctor or marriage counselor will
answer questions about contraceptive methods. If the husband is considerate,
will the bride enjoy intercourse? Some women derive no more pleasure from it
than from any intimate caress. Sexual desire sometimes develops slowly in
women.
