Beginning of school
This
is a big event in the emotional life of a child, especially for one who has not
gone to nursery school. Extra love, sup- port, and praise should be given him
as he makes this big adjustment. The parents should become part of the school
life through visits, parent- teacher activities, etc. Some experts on child
rearing believe that personality is relatively fixed by the time a child starts
school. We disagree, even though we believe strongly that the early years are
highly important. We believe that personality is constantly developing and
changing as life proceeds, and that only death marks the end of personality and
emotional change for a human being. From the beginning of school until puberty
there is a quieter period in the emotional life, the so-called latency period,
when the child undergoes fewer upheavals and is usually highly receptive to
education at school and at home.
This is the calm before the storm. Then
come puberty, adolescence, and the teen-age years. Until adolescence, there
will be no doubt of a child's dependence on the parents. Now, however, the
situation becomes ambivalent. The child lives at home but begins to feel the
powerful biological and social drives that will transform him into an adult.
During these stormy years, personality will
be molded by the outcome of explorations and reactions to Dating and petting
experiences For the girl, menstruation (treated elsewhere in this book); for
the boy, growth of sex organs and the occurrence of wet dreams Masturbation
Homosexual feelings, activities, and fantasies Sex drives toward the opposite
sex Acceptance or rejection by classmates of both sexes Athletics and other
school activities Scholastic achievement Some degree of rebelliousness with
parents, teachers, police Experimentation with drugs, cigarettes, alcohol
Part-time jobs and summer activities Handling of money, budgeting, use of own
or family car Surely, we haven't listed all the possible critical factors of
the lively teen years.
We can only hope that these and other
problems will be dis- cussed by parents and children, because their resolution
in a positive, healthy way will do much to prevent mental illness. We suggest
that parents and children read the wise book by HaimGinott, Between Parent and
Teenager. When parents and teen-agers cannot achieve open discussion and
communication, they should find a mature, sympathetic person who can provide
guidance (and referee misunderstandings and quarrels).
A teacher, clergyman, doctor, relative, or
school counselor may be just such a person. A visit to a psychiatrist may be
needed in some cases when personality problems become severe-for example, when
a child wants to drop out of school, begins to use drugs regularly, exhibits
cravings for alcohol. Nineteen is the last teen year but hardly the end of
emotional strains and growth. There follows the period when major decisions
must be made about career and marriage. Surely, almost every expert on
personality would agree that a rewarding job in which the individual is happy
is great insurance for mental health. This, of course, is a good argument for
obtaining the right education to open up a wider choice of career
possibilities. A secure, happy marriage can be a bulwark against emotional
problems.
We deal with marriage later. Let us stress
that marriage is so important that the decision to enter into it should be
based on mature judgment, not entirely on romance. Remember that more and more
marriage counselors are helping people before marriage with advice about
possible suitability and compatibility and by giving them realistic previews of
problems to be faced.
