Toilet training
The
handling of toilet training can be an important determinant of personality.
During World War II, Navy doctors were so impressed by the relaxed behavior of
Okinawan civilians under bombardment that they studied the personality
backgrounds of these people. The significant factor seemed to be that the
Okinawan child was per- mitted to set his own pace for toilet training.
Children vary in the development of brain areas and nerve pathways involved in
the complex reflexes required for urination and bladder control. Our advice is
to consult your child's doctor; he knows at what pace the child is developing
and can make a good estimate of the date when toilet training should be
started.
Talking
There is big variation in the time when
children begin to talk. Don't worry because a neighbor's or relative's child
may talk at a very early age, earlier than your own child. But if you are
getting nervous about your child's timetable, discuss this with your doctor.
“Abnormal" curiosity
A
child is curious about everything. That includes genitals, feces, urine as well
as more acceptable objects in the unfolding world around him. Let him explore.
Don't shame him. If he gets too messy, distract him gently.
Social experiences
Introduce your child to other children
gradually. Do it at play places, at home, in playgrounds. This is especially
important for an only child.
Nursery school
One
of us wrote some years ago that if he had to make a choice because of limited
tuition funds between nursery school and college for a child, he would choose
nursery school. He was thinking of a really good nursery school with trained,
sympathetic teachers who supplement the efforts of parents in the important
years between age 3 and 6.
Identification with parents
Many
psychiatrists believe that in the 3- to 6-year age period, a struggle goes on
in the inner, unconscious minds of children and that it has important bearings
on later emotional health. At this time, the boy struggles unconsciously to
supplant his father in his mother's affections, and gradually to identify with
the father; the girl undergoes a similar reverse situation. This "oedipal
conflict" may help determine how a boy or girl will feel later in life
about the male or female role. During this important period, parents should not
make favorites of children, should be careful not to appear to be seductive,
should exclude the child from the marital bed, and should exercise care that
the child has no opportunity to view their sexual activities.
It is best neither to take baths together
nor to share the bathroom with children at this age.
Vacations
Separation from home during vacations can
be a positive or negative influence depending upon the child's readiness for the
experience. Overnight camp is a big dislocation for a young child and should be
undertaken with caution. And remember that a vacation with grand- parents may
seem natural to you but a child may view them as strangers.
Movies and TV
Parents should guard against making
babysitters out of TV programs or movies. No one really knows how much
influence these media are having on the emotional development of our children.
But it surely seems sensible for parents to select programs carefully for the
very young child.
Birth of a new baby
A
child may fear displacement when a new baby arrives. It is a challenge to
parents to make the child feel even more loved and to give him a sense of
participation in the care of the new arrival. Parents should consider nursery
school or other activities for the child long before the baby is born to
challenge his place.
