A LOOK AT LATE MARRIAGE DISSOLUTIONS
The number of long-standing marriages
terminating in divorce has been growing. In Georgia, for example, Dr. Alfred A.
Messer of Emory University found that, in 1953, 9 percent of divorces involved
couples whose marriages had lasted 20 years or more; by 1966, the rate had gone
up to 11 percent. A sampling of divorces in Fulton County, Georgia, in 1967
showed 14 percent to have taken place after 20 years of marriage. Nationwide
data for 1963 revealed that 24 percent of divorcing couples had been married
more than 15 years, indicating that the problem is not localized. As the result
of his investigations, Dr. Messer advances several reasons for these
"20-year fractures." For one thing, divorces are now more socially
acceptable, and more people can afford them.
Also, more women now are able to work and
are no longer financially dependent on their husbands. Divorce laws, too, in
many states are more lenient than in the past. But one major reason, Dr. Messer
believes, is that partners do not get to know each other well enough before
marriage to be sure they can form a new identity as a pair. Also, child
orientation is overemphasized in many families; the children become the nucleus
around which all activities revolve, leaving little time or emotion for a
husband-wife relationship.
Most couples attempt to make up in marriage
for traits they think are lacking in their own personalities, says Dr. Messer. Unlike
attract and likes repel. The man who is shy and silent is often happier with a
vivacious wife. The frail woman likes to have a strong and vigorous husband. In
a child-oriented family, the parents may begin to look more and more to their
children for this type of gratification. The woman may cook and dress more for
her children than for her husband, and the man may prefer to be with his
children rather than with his wife. When the children leave, there is a void,
and the husband and wife may feel that their needs are not satisfied by each
other.
In every family, there should be a balance
between adult-oriented and child-oriented needs, says Dr. Messer. In our
"century of the child," the pendulum seems to have swung a bit far
toward the child side. There is need for more "adult time," more
second-honeymoon activities for the husband and wife to balance their role as
parents.
