Mental health- A LOOK AT LATE MARRIAGE DISSOLUTIONS

A LOOK AT LATE MARRIAGE DISSOLUTIONS

The number of long-standing marriages terminating in divorce has been growing. In Georgia, for example, Dr. Alfred A. Messer of Emory University found that, in 1953, 9 percent of divorces involved couples whose marriages had lasted 20 years or more; by 1966, the rate had gone up to 11 percent. A sampling of divorces in Fulton County, Georgia, in 1967 showed 14 percent to have taken place after 20 years of marriage. Nationwide data for 1963 revealed that 24 percent of divorcing couples had been married more than 15 years, indicating that the problem is not localized. As the result of his investigations, Dr. Messer advances several reasons for these "20-year fractures." For one thing, divorces are now more socially acceptable, and more people can afford them.

Also, more women now are able to work and are no longer financially dependent on their husbands. Divorce laws, too, in many states are more lenient than in the past. But one major reason, Dr. Messer believes, is that partners do not get to know each other well enough before marriage to be sure they can form a new identity as a pair. Also, child orientation is overemphasized in many families; the children become the nucleus around which all activities revolve, leaving little time or emotion for a husband-wife relationship.

Most couples attempt to make up in marriage for traits they think are lacking in their own personalities, says Dr. Messer. Unlike attract and likes repel. The man who is shy and silent is often happier with a vivacious wife. The frail woman likes to have a strong and vigorous husband. In a child-oriented family, the parents may begin to look more and more to their children for this type of gratification. The woman may cook and dress more for her children than for her husband, and the man may prefer to be with his children rather than with his wife. When the children leave, there is a void, and the husband and wife may feel that their needs are not satisfied by each other.

In every family, there should be a balance between adult-oriented and child-oriented needs, says Dr. Messer. In our "century of the child," the pendulum seems to have swung a bit far toward the child side. There is need for more "adult time," more second-honeymoon activities for the husband and wife to balance their role as parents.