THE STRATEGY WHEN MOST young
couples marry, they are not immediately interested in having children. Rather,
their primary concern is with each other. They have established their own
little private world; they wish to explore it, savor living in it. Over a
period of many months after marriage, the two partners become more deeply
cognizant of each other, of each other's interests, of compatibilities, of
differences. Today, quite likely, each will have a job, and each will enjoy
some measure of freedom within a pattern the couple jointly set up.
This is the period during which they will be establishing a
foundation for the family unit. Most married couples want and expect to have
children.
When should they have them? Let us assume you wish advice about that.
If we were to be asked for it, we would probably suggest that you wait a few
months or a year before embarking on the venture of having a child. It might be
longer. This would depend upon you-how long you have known each other prior to
marriage, how many rough edges there are (and there always are some) to be smoothed
down, and how old you are.
A woman does not have to be young to have her first
child in safety.
But it is nice to be young enough to enjoy one's
grandchildren. How long to wait depends upon the time, too, you need to get
your home settled and to be financially prepared, at least reasonably so, for
the baby. At the same time, it is true that people generally tend to become
somewhat less fertile as they grow older. If they wait too long, it may be
difficult to have children exactly when they wish to have them or to have as
many as they would like. If you live in a moderate climate or have modern
conveniences, there is no need to be concerned about a special season of the
year that might be best for the baby to be born in.
If the climate is
severe, it would be better to have mild weather during the baby's first few
months to give him a good start and to simplify things for the mother. How
should children be spaced? There is no magic interval but we would suggest that
when your first child is two or three years old, you might well consider having
a second. Usually a child is in a comparatively "settled" state at
age 2 or 3, and this is a good time to add a brother or sister. How you space
your children, of course, depends too upon income and health.
It would not be wise to have a second child, any more than
the first, before you are physically, emotionally, and economically ready.
Being an only child for a while will not hurt your first born. Having tired,
worried, harassed parents might. How many children should you have? There is no
standard answer, of course. As many as you want and can afford-afford
physically and emotionally as well as financially. Large families are nice; so
are small ones. Quality is important-more so, we believe, than quantity.
You will
do best, we think, to keep an open mind about the number of children you will
have. Your ideas may change; having each child is a unique experience; all of
us change with experience; this is natural and to be expected. . Why not, you
may say, let nature decide the number of children and the spacing? Nature works
wonders, but on a large scale, without particular concern for the individual.
