DISCIPLINE
Many American parents in the 1920's and 1930's,
in a reaction to the stern, authoritarian ways of the old European families,
adopted an excessively permissive attitude with their children. In some homes,
youngsters were almost under no restraint at all. More recently, many
conscientious parents have wondered whether there wasn't some good in the old-
fashioned tough discipline.
In our opinion, neither extreme is good. Letting a
child" do anything" does not really help the child; it may do harm.
On the other hand, his spirit should not be curbed nor his
natural curiosity and energies squelched. Dr. Arnold Gesell, a distinguished
specialist in children's development, calls this modern attitude "informed
permissiveness." Parents who adopt this attitude try to understand what
they can reasonably expect from their children, always keeping in mind age and
basic personality. They keep their demands on their children within reason, so
they can guide them consistently and in kindly ways, and still let them grow at
their own pace and within their own limits.
Authoritative versus Authoritarian Actually, there is a
considerable difference between parents who are authoritarian and those who are
authoritative. And they tend to produce quite different kinds of offspring.
Authoritarian parents, suggests Dr. Diana Baumrind, of the University of
California Psychology Department, are detached and controlling, and their
children often turn out to be discontented, withdrawn, and dis- trustful.
Authoritative parents, on the other hand, are controlling and demand- ing, but
also very warm, rational, and responsive.
Their children are the most self-reliant, self-controlled,
and explorative, according to a long- term study Dr. Baumrind and her
colleagues have conducted. Permissive parents, who make few demands of their
children and rarely try to control them, produce the least self-reliant,
explorative, and self-controlled children, the Baumrind research indicates.
Successful parents, according to the study, recognize their own special rights
as adults as well as the child's individual interests and special ways.
"The mother," Dr. Baumrind notes, "does not base her decisions
on group consensus or on the individual child's desires, and neither does she
regard herself as infallible or divinely inspired." During the first six
years of a child's life, "exercise of power is a legitimate right of the
parents."
