Child dicipline - How to be a successfull parents?

DISCIPLINE 

Many American parents in the 1920's and 1930's, in a reaction to the stern, authoritarian ways of the old European families, adopted an excessively permissive attitude with their children. In some homes, youngsters were almost under no restraint at all. More recently, many conscientious parents have wondered whether there wasn't some good in the old- fashioned tough discipline. 

In our opinion, neither extreme is good. Letting a child" do anything" does not really help the child; it may do harm.

On the other hand, his spirit should not be curbed nor his natural curiosity and energies squelched. Dr. Arnold Gesell, a distinguished specialist in children's development, calls this modern attitude "informed permissiveness." Parents who adopt this attitude try to understand what they can reasonably expect from their children, always keeping in mind age and basic personality. They keep their demands on their children within reason, so they can guide them consistently and in kindly ways, and still let them grow at their own pace and within their own limits.

Authoritative versus Authoritarian Actually, there is a considerable difference between parents who are authoritarian and those who are authoritative. And they tend to produce quite different kinds of offspring. Authoritarian parents, suggests Dr. Diana Baumrind, of the University of California Psychology Department, are detached and controlling, and their children often turn out to be discontented, withdrawn, and dis- trustful. Authoritative parents, on the other hand, are controlling and demand- ing, but also very warm, rational, and responsive.

Their children are the most self-reliant, self-controlled, and explorative, according to a long- term study Dr. Baumrind and her colleagues have conducted. Permissive parents, who make few demands of their children and rarely try to control them, produce the least self-reliant, explorative, and self-controlled children, the Baumrind research indicates.

 Successful parents, according to the study, recognize their own special rights as adults as well as the child's individual interests and special ways. "The mother," Dr. Baumrind notes, "does not base her decisions on group consensus or on the individual child's desires, and neither does she regard herself as infallible or divinely inspired." During the first six years of a child's life, "exercise of power is a legitimate right of the parents."