INSIGHTS FROM SOME RECENT STUDIES With
researchers today investigating every facet of the husband-wife
relationship-many of the studies are sponsored by the National Institute of
Mental Health because of recognition that marital conflict is a major health
problem-new insights are constantly being turned up. It should be emphasized
that they are insights, not definitive conclusions. It is difficult to reach
definitive conclusions in areas as complex as marriage. But the insights are
worth noting.
Thus, research studies at Harvard, the
University of Michigan, and other major institutions suggest that when husband
and wife are equally mature and motivated, they can get along as well-even
though they do not have similar backgrounds, attitudes, interests, and
personalities as couples who do have such similarities. And, conversely, when a
couple is unable to adjust and to grow with the marriage, it does not matter
how great the initial similarities were. Unrealistic marriage expectations,
many studies show, are the chief source of marital unhappiness. Among couples
asked to rate themselves on a happiness scale, those who scored themselves
happiest turned out to be playing roles in marriage which they had expected to
play and which their spouses expected them to play.
Those who expected their spouses to act
like a favorite TV or movie star, or like Dad or Mom, were in trouble. This is
not surprising, of course, but some studies also reveal that some young people,
even among those who plan seriously for marriage, have expectations that seem
reasonable but aren't really realistic for them. Thus, many young people tell
researchers that when they marry, the wife will not work; she will go to
college; it is more important for her to be an interesting and entertaining
companion than a good housekeeper or cook. But the fact is that many wives must
work, are unable to go to college, or fail when they do go. And study after
study shows that most men, whatever they may say to the contrary, much prefer
having a wife who is neat and efficient around the house than one who is
brilliant and a witty conversationalist but leaves dust on the furniture or
dirty dishes in the sink.
