What research says about Mental Illnesses?

INSIGHTS FROM SOME RECENT STUDIES With researchers today investigating every facet of the husband-wife relationship-many of the studies are sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health because of recognition that marital conflict is a major health problem-new insights are constantly being turned up. It should be emphasized that they are insights, not definitive conclusions. It is difficult to reach definitive conclusions in areas as complex as marriage. But the insights are worth noting.

Thus, research studies at Harvard, the University of Michigan, and other major institutions suggest that when husband and wife are equally mature and motivated, they can get along as well-even though they do not have similar backgrounds, attitudes, interests, and personalities as couples who do have such similarities. And, conversely, when a couple is unable to adjust and to grow with the marriage, it does not matter how great the initial similarities were. Unrealistic marriage expectations, many studies show, are the chief source of marital unhappiness. Among couples asked to rate themselves on a happiness scale, those who scored themselves happiest turned out to be playing roles in marriage which they had expected to play and which their spouses expected them to play.

Those who expected their spouses to act like a favorite TV or movie star, or like Dad or Mom, were in trouble. This is not surprising, of course, but some studies also reveal that some young people, even among those who plan seriously for marriage, have expectations that seem reasonable but aren't really realistic for them. Thus, many young people tell researchers that when they marry, the wife will not work; she will go to college; it is more important for her to be an interesting and entertaining companion than a good housekeeper or cook. But the fact is that many wives must work, are unable to go to college, or fail when they do go. And study after study shows that most men, whatever they may say to the contrary, much prefer having a wife who is neat and efficient around the house than one who is brilliant and a witty conversationalist but leaves dust on the furniture or dirty dishes in the sink.