INFATUATION There is a decided difference. A
strong sexual desire is often mistaken for love. If it is not accompanied by
other strong feelings, this is infatuation. In adolescence, infatuation is
called "puppy love." Both in adolescence and later, infatuation is
usually outgrown. While an adequate definition and love has troubled poets and
philosophers from time immemorial, for the practical purposes of successful
marriage you can ask yourself these questions: Do you feel a sense of oneness,
each with the other?
That is, do you consider the other person a
part of yourself? Do you feel you can trust the other person implicitly? Does
he or she give you a sense of security? Are you deeply concerned about his or
her welfare? Do you try in all ways to make the other person happy?
Have you found that, after being apart from
the other person for a period of time; you still feel the same strong emotional
attachment? Do you find that the longer you know each other the greater grows if
desire to stay together and you do not grow bored as time goes by?
These questions, if answered glibly, will
mean nothing. But if, after serious thought, you can say "yes" to all
of them, you may safely say that you are in love. You will have noticed that
they are concerned with true companionship. Physical attraction is not enough
to guarantee a happy marriage. Sex is of basic importance in marriage. It is,
one might say, the foundation upon which the house must be built; it is not the
whole house.
MARRIAGE AGE There is, of course, no one
best age for marriage. Ideally, perhaps, marriage should be entered into when
maturity, both physical and mental, has been reached. Maturity varies from one
person to another, although experts place the usual age in the 22 to 30 range.
This has been found to be the age range during which most successful marriages
are formed, with the husband generally from four to seven years older than the
wife. There are exceptions, of course. In many happy marriages, the wife is
older. The important consideration is that the couple be emotionally stable and
mentally mature enough to handle the stresses and strains of marriage.
Determination to make a marriage successful is a major weapon in doing so.
There will need to be tolerance, understanding, and good humor.
Neither partner can expect the other to give
in on all points, to make all the sacrifices. Marriage is a mutual undertaking.
When sacrifices have to be made, as they invariably must be, they should be
made without resentment, with the larger view in mind-happiness
for both partners. It has been said of a successful marriage that it represents
the real success in life, and that it is better to fail in all else and succeed
at home than to have success in all else and fail at home. Married love can be
the most rewarding human experience. If we were to define it in its simplest
terms, we would say it has three parts: sexual attraction; a deep feeling of
companionship; and a desire for parenthood. The first two are essential; the
third is valuable for emotional fulfillment and complete, enduring happiness.
