Mental Health and Infatuation and Marriage Age

INFATUATION There is a decided difference. A strong sexual desire is often mistaken for love. If it is not accompanied by other strong feelings, this is infatuation. In adolescence, infatuation is called "puppy love." Both in adolescence and later, infatuation is usually outgrown. While an adequate definition and love has troubled poets and philosophers from time immemorial, for the practical purposes of successful marriage you can ask yourself these questions: Do you feel a sense of oneness, each with the other?

That is, do you consider the other person a part of yourself? Do you feel you can trust the other person implicitly? Does he or she give you a sense of security? Are you deeply concerned about his or her welfare? Do you try in all ways to make the other person happy?

Have you found that, after being apart from the other person for a period of time; you still feel the same strong emotional attachment? Do you find that the longer you know each other the greater grows if desire to stay together and you do not grow bored as time goes by?

These questions, if answered glibly, will mean nothing. But if, after serious thought, you can say "yes" to all of them, you may safely say that you are in love. You will have noticed that they are concerned with true companionship. Physical attraction is not enough to guarantee a happy marriage. Sex is of basic importance in marriage. It is, one might say, the foundation upon which the house must be built; it is not the whole house.

MARRIAGE AGE There is, of course, no one best age for marriage. Ideally, perhaps, marriage should be entered into when maturity, both physical and mental, has been reached. Maturity varies from one person to another, although experts place the usual age in the 22 to 30 range. This has been found to be the age range during which most successful marriages are formed, with the husband generally from four to seven years older than the wife. There are exceptions, of course. In many happy marriages, the wife is older. The important consideration is that the couple be emotionally stable and mentally mature enough to handle the stresses and strains of marriage. Determination to make a marriage successful is a major weapon in doing so. There will need to be tolerance, understanding, and good humor.

 Neither partner can expect the other to give in on all points, to make all the sacrifices. Marriage is a mutual undertaking. When sacrifices have to be made, as they invariably must be, they should be made without resentment, with the larger view in mind-happiness for both partners. It has been said of a successful marriage that it represents the real success in life, and that it is better to fail in all else and succeed at home than to have success in all else and fail at home. Married love can be the most rewarding human experience. If we were to define it in its simplest terms, we would say it has three parts: sexual attraction; a deep feeling of companionship; and a desire for parenthood. The first two are essential; the third is valuable for emotional fulfillment and complete, enduring happiness.