Sexual reasons for mental health

 It is frequently possible for such a man, with the help of his wife, to overcome the problem, by approaching sex more leisurely. We would like to note, too, that premature ejaculation has varied meanings. In one medical center, a man may be considered a premature ejaculator if he cannot sustain the sex act for 30 seconds; elsewhere the standard may be a minute.

 Some physicians suggest that more realistically a man may be considered to have a premature ejaculation problem when he cannot control his sexual processes long enough to satisfy his partner in at least half of their attempts. Is there excessive concern about orgasm? Often, there is. 

There is much more to the sexual relationship than this "end point" release. But when couples become concerned with this one goal above all others, they may do everything but enjoy themselves. The whole lovemaking process should be enjoyed. And for some people who have had problems, concentration on the pleasures of caresses, without thought of climax, can help unblock sexual response.

What causes frigidity in a woman? As we have indicated, failure to have orgasm does not necessarily mean a woman is frigid. Doctors speak of true frigidity as the inability to derive pleasure from sexual relations. This may be caused by insufficient lubrication or lack of adequate stimulation. Frigidity also may stem from psychological factors, conscious or unconscious feelings of guilt, inferiority, or fears, such as fear of pregnancy, of growing up, of surrendering to a man. 

Women sometimes suffer from sexual self-consciousness because society has demanded sexual purity of them before marriage and suddenly demands whole-hearted participation in marriage. Some women find it difficult to make the transition. Yet the potential is there. 

Mental Health - THE PURPOSES OF SEX

THE PURPOSES OF SEX

You notice that we use the plural, "purposes," rather-than the singular. From the biological standpoint, the purpose of sexual intercourse is simple enough: reproduction. Of late, there has been some tendency to pass over this aspect of the sexual act, perhaps because it was once considered the only real purpose of intercourse. Although much has been written about men and women who want children because they think they should have them, or to prove they can have them, or for any of a number of neurotic reasons, most people who live worth living want to pass on the gift of life, to create a new lift' with the beloved partner. But sexual intercourse is much more. 

It is even more than an expression of love in the most intimate manner; more than giving and receiving pleasure. As one discerning physician has written "Because we use words to distinguish sex from love, we found that in human experience no such sharp division exists. Individuals we have integrity, a word that comes from the Latin, whole or entire. We are whole; we are one. And as whole human beings our experiencing of love ultimately must become one experience.  And when a man and woman in love meet in the sexual embrace, each, like Antaeus, hopes to arise stronger than before, to go his individual way. ..

In day-to-day living, the man who is diminished by a world that forces him to compromise or accept defeat finds total acceptance in the arms of the woman who loves him. And the woman who feels diminished by niggardly chores and obligations (and may still regard herself as the subordinate sex) receives heartfelt homage from the man who loves and desires her. With sex and with love the man restores her integrity and she restores his. And both have been nourished by sexual pleasure, which they seek as roots seek water-because without it their marriage will wither and die. "As a physician, not a poet, as a man who speaks with some knowledge of flesh and blood reality, I know that when the act of sex is truly an act of love it unites two committed human beings, obliterating their painful awareness of being alone and lonely. And the pleasure of the embrace, together with the certainty that tomorrow they will embrace again, gives them new strength to stand alone.

Mental health- SEXUAL ADJUSTMENT IN MARRIAGE

SEXUAL ADJUSTMENT IN MARRIAGE

DESPITE MARRIAGE manuals, the Kinsey and other reports, and the so called sexual revolution, medical authorities estimate that at least half of all married couples today still suffer from serious sexual problems. How unfortunate it is that the sex act, with its potential of deep and rewarding intimacy, should be clouded by fear, shame, ignorance, and misconceptions. Perhaps some sexual anthropologist of a future century, upon analyzing the Pill, the drive-in, the works of some of our best-selling novelists, the Tween Bra, and all the myriad other artifacts of the Great Sexual Revolution, will conclude that ours may have been an era in which there was some change in morality but not necessarily in sexual enlightenment and fulfillment.

Parents may think that young people today know as much as, if not more than, they should about sex; and many young people may smile in superior manner at any notion that they need education in such matters. Yet from the questions still asked by newly married couples, as well as by long-married ones, physicians are aware that much ignorance and misinformation remain. Both young and old couples often ask whether their sexual relations are" all right." They would like to have the boundaries of normal relationships defined, and they are concerned with problems of frigidity and impotence. It is a good thing that questions is being asked, that hopefully fewer couples refuse to discuss sex matters.

Yet there remain many people who believe that to put any significant emphasis on sex education is a mistake. They muster many arguments, even such as the one of a young married woman who declared: "I'm sorry Bill and I ever read that book about sex in marriage. It just made him feel guilty because he can't live up to what it says a man should do to satisfy. It is true that some books dealing with sex education have been written in a way that tends to remove all spontaneity from the relationship. Because matters of sex technique and skill were so, some writers have gone to the other extreme, exaggerating their importance and neglecting other aspects.

Yet physical attraction and intuition are not enough to enable people to solve the problems that may give rise to, or result from, an unsatisfactory sexual relationship. Neither rules nor elaborate detailing of techniques can solve such problems; only a better understanding of sex in all its aspects may do that. 

Mental Health and Infatuation and Marriage Age

INFATUATION There is a decided difference. A strong sexual desire is often mistaken for love. If it is not accompanied by other strong feelings, this is infatuation. In adolescence, infatuation is called "puppy love." Both in adolescence and later, infatuation is usually outgrown. While an adequate definition and love has troubled poets and philosophers from time immemorial, for the practical purposes of successful marriage you can ask yourself these questions: Do you feel a sense of oneness, each with the other?

That is, do you consider the other person a part of yourself? Do you feel you can trust the other person implicitly? Does he or she give you a sense of security? Are you deeply concerned about his or her welfare? Do you try in all ways to make the other person happy?

Have you found that, after being apart from the other person for a period of time; you still feel the same strong emotional attachment? Do you find that the longer you know each other the greater grows if desire to stay together and you do not grow bored as time goes by?

These questions, if answered glibly, will mean nothing. But if, after serious thought, you can say "yes" to all of them, you may safely say that you are in love. You will have noticed that they are concerned with true companionship. Physical attraction is not enough to guarantee a happy marriage. Sex is of basic importance in marriage. It is, one might say, the foundation upon which the house must be built; it is not the whole house.

MARRIAGE AGE There is, of course, no one best age for marriage. Ideally, perhaps, marriage should be entered into when maturity, both physical and mental, has been reached. Maturity varies from one person to another, although experts place the usual age in the 22 to 30 range. This has been found to be the age range during which most successful marriages are formed, with the husband generally from four to seven years older than the wife. There are exceptions, of course. In many happy marriages, the wife is older. The important consideration is that the couple be emotionally stable and mentally mature enough to handle the stresses and strains of marriage. Determination to make a marriage successful is a major weapon in doing so. There will need to be tolerance, understanding, and good humor.

 Neither partner can expect the other to give in on all points, to make all the sacrifices. Marriage is a mutual undertaking. When sacrifices have to be made, as they invariably must be, they should be made without resentment, with the larger view in mind-happiness for both partners. It has been said of a successful marriage that it represents the real success in life, and that it is better to fail in all else and succeed at home than to have success in all else and fail at home. Married love can be the most rewarding human experience. If we were to define it in its simplest terms, we would say it has three parts: sexual attraction; a deep feeling of companionship; and a desire for parenthood. The first two are essential; the third is valuable for emotional fulfillment and complete, enduring happiness.

Mental health

As one investigator has pointed out, the trend toward "equality" be- tween the sexes in marriage, without any clear division of labor and authority-as there was when the wife was expected to be exclusively a homemaker and the husband a breadwinner-creates "great potential for conflict and disillusionment." Under any circumstances, "boys and girls are bound to differ in some areas of role expectation." How they are able to modify these expectations when the honeymoon aura is over, and human weaknesses are revealed, is vital to the marriage. In describing how the health of a marriage can deteriorate when there is insufficient, or no, adjustment, Dr. Richard H. Klemer, of the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Washington, Seattle, says: "Al- though it may not be intentional or even conscious, one partner or the other begins to have something less than complete acceptance for his mate. If it begins with the wife, the husband soon senses this change of attitude and begins to protect himself, again perhaps only half-consciously. In turn, the wife protects herself against the husband's slightly changed attitude.

Then she protects herself further, and so forth. This goes on till the partners arrive at a state of complete hostility-or worse, apathy-in their efforts to protect their own ego against their mate's disillusionment." It is this that Dr. Klemer calls the "modern marriage disease." It can be prevented and checked when husband and wife realize that some expectations have to be modified and proceed to modify them as soon as possible. There is no marriage that does not require adjustment. Obviously, a mature person who acts on the basis of reason, not just emotion, will have much less trouble adjusting to marriage than a person who may be physically adult but is still a child emotionally.

Marriage can be an exacting business. It was once thought that personality development virtually stopped at the age of five; now it is recognized that personality development can continue all through life. If it does continue, a marriage is likely to be a happy one. After devoting many years to marriage studies at Harvard Medical School's Laboratory of Community Psychiatry, Dr. RhonaRapoport finds that getting married is exacting because it involves a II critical transition from one social role to another." It calls for changes in behavior and social relationships between the individuals and entails "personality change of a more or less enduring nature. II Dr. Rapoport goes on to note: "Major social-role relationships are inherently disrupting. As an individual's social role changes, his image of himself is affected, the way in which others expect him to behave changes.

And his legitimate expectations for the behavior of others alter. As all this goes on, the individual may grow and develop under the impact of the stimuli or he may find them so burdensome and distressing that his functioning is impaired, in extreme cases involving symptoms of emotional disturbance:" Everything does not have to be mutually satisfactory in a happy marriage. Studies reveal that in most marriages that are happy, several phases of marital life are not what the partners would have liked. If adaptability and the maturity that makes it possible are essential, so is motivation. With strong motivation, the desire to make a marriage work, adaptability may be furthered. The Harvard and other studies suggest that what happens in the engagement period before marriage often indicates how a marriage will go. Couples best able to adjust to each other during the engagement period have least trouble moving happily from the freedom of single life to the demands as well as opportunities of marriage and family life. This is a good reason for a fairly long, relaxed period of courtship. 

Mental Health - How to get it right?

No one is perfectly healthy; perfection is rarely reached by humans. But these are goals to be sought throughout life. And let us round out the picture. To be normal is not to be untouched by fears and conflicts. Healthy People Are Human There is limits to what even the best-adjusted can take. During war- time, it was clear that pilots, even the healthiest, could carry out just so many bombing missions before suffering combat fatigue.

They recovered quickly if relieved of the unbearable tension. Some forms of stress are difficult for anyone to endure long. And some forms of stress can be endured by one normal person and not by another. When not long ago a distinguished physician had to face a situation he knew would be difficult for even a doctor-the fatal illness of his only child-he sought help from a psychiatrist. He wanted help so he in turn could give the best help of which he was capable to his wife.

While pressures sometimes go to dramatic extremes, routine everyday life too can be frustrating and stressful. The business executive under pressure to make a profit, the student obliged to make good grades, the worker on an assembly line pressed to meet a quota-these and other people in many situations need to find acceptable outlets for daily pressures. Normal people aren't all alike. Obviously, they do not have the same intellectual and physical endowments. There are different personality types as well. There are people who are introverted, absorbed in what goes on inside their own minds; there are others, extroverts, more interested in external events than in their own inner experiences. Dr. Karen Horney, a distinguished psychiatrist, defined three basic character types: those who move toward people, those who move against people, and those who move away from people.

These might become, respectively, successful salesmen, competitive athletes, and philosophers-or, under unfortunate circumstances, playboys, gunmen, and recluses. Normal people are influenced by unconscious motivations. Even before Freud, people often noticed, for example, that they forgot some things they did not want to remember, even though they had supposed they wanted to remember them. They knew that one could fall in love despite a conscious intention not to do so. In short, they knew that something went on under the surface of their awareness. Even a well-adjusted per- son does not, for example, fall in love in completely conscious fashion, although he is not ruled by his unconscious to such an extent that he falls in love with someone he knows to be completely unworthy of his affection. 

WHAT IS SOUND MENTAL HEALTH?

 Sigmund Freud, founder of psychoanalysis, once said that his objective was "to substitute for neurotic misery ordinary human unhappiness." That gloomy remark added weight to an impression that good health, physical and mental, is simply the absence of overwhelming distress. This, to most physicians today, is much too restrictive and limited a view. To merely exist without pain is not enough. Health, physical or mental, should be measured not by whether or not something hurts but by pleasure and achievement. A person free of emotional distress cannot merely on that basis be categorized as mentally healthy.

Mental health is not simple to define. Some people consider that to be mentally healthy is to be like the majority, despite the fact that history has shown that in a decadent society such as Nazi Germany the majority can be brutal and sadistic. Some people feel that to be mentally healthy is to be happy, though some obviously insane people are "happy." "Maturity" is another word used as a synonym for mental health, though adolescents can be healthy without being mature.

 Physicians think of a normal person as one who adjusts to his surroundings, the world he lives in and the people in it, and also to his own potentialities for living, which may include making realistic efforts to change the world about him for the better. By abnormal behavior, physicians mean inappropriate or ineffective methods of getting along in one's surroundings.

For example, a person who is afraid of being hit by a car might refuse to go outdoors; this might relieve his fear but obviously would not be a satisfactory solution. When we examine abnormal behavior carefully, we see that it consists of techniques for adjusting to situations, techniques that are not adequate but are used because they satisfy in some way, or at least are more satisfying than anything else the individual has tried. 

Among other questions physicians may want answered before deciding about an individual's state of mental health are: Is he or she capable of loving someone else? Is he or she reliable, contented, and productive in his or her work? Is he or she able to appreciate the commonplace wonders of the earth? 

Job related Health problems -stress-frustration-mental health

If your job brings you sufficient income but leaves you frustrated, bored, or otherwise unhappy, vocational guidance agencies may help solve the problem. 

It could be worthwhile, too, for you to have a frank talk with your physician who, knowing the importance of job satisfaction as a factor in good preventive medicine, may himself be able to help with some guidance or refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist for help in discovering whether you should try to adjust yourself to your present job-whether there are things you can do to make a satisfying adjustment or find another.

A good job, too, should be as safe as modern technology and your own alertness, ingenuity, and awareness of potential hazards can make it. 

If you are frequently ill or have had accidents at work, it may be that you do not observe proper precautions, or it may be the result of poor conditions in your place of employment. After reading this chapter, you may be able to decide better which it is. If it is the latter-poor work conditions you can bring the fact to the attention of your employers, either directly (perhaps through a suggestion box) or through your foreman, supervisor, or union.

If this fails to produce improvement, the matter should be reported to the proper authorities, such as the department of labor in your state or the local or state health department. The fact is that while much has been done to improve occup.ulon.il safety in this country, in any year on-the-job accidents kill 10, 00,000 partially or completely disable 2,200,000 of the nation's 12 million workers. Another 5 million suffer lesser work injuries toll in pain and suffering, job-related accidents ,  $1.5 billion in lost wages and deprive industry of  $millions. This record is an improvement over residents killed nearly twice as many people in a work force half the size of todays, but it leaves much to be desired.