HOW TO COPE WITH BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEF REACTIONS

All of us sooner or later must face bereavement. And one of the most valuable developments in modern psychiatry is new understanding of the importance of the grief process, of what it apparently must consist of, and of the suffering, physical and mental, which may occur if the process is not properly worked through. In particular, the studies of Harvard on the mourning process have clearly useful implications for maintaining mental and physical health. 

Dr. Lindemann has established that in adapting to the death of a loved one, a bereaved person goes through a well-defined process which usually takes four to six weeks to complete and involves a succession of specific psychological steps.

His findings indicate that it is essential to work hard psychologically to adapt to a loss. Starting with studies of mourners for people lost in a disastrous Boston nightclub fire some years ago, Dr. Lindemann was able to note that the majority of people do their "grief work" satisfactorily, on an instinctive basis, and recover their psychological and physical equilibrium at the end of four to six weeks. 

But a significant number do not, and either immediately or later shows signs, sometimes extreme, of psychiatric or psychosomatic illness. They are especially likely to develop depressed mental states and peptic ulcers, ulcerative colitis, or other gastrointestinal disorders.

Dr. Lindemann has not merely theorized that there is a causative relationship between failure to go through a normal mourning process and the later development of such illnesses. He has been able to demonstrate that sometimes the illnesses can be brought under control by help- ing the patients revive, months and years later, their bereaved feelings and at that point do their previously undone grief work. 

What constitutes a healthy mourning reaction? Among the typical manifestations of a healthy reaction are a temporary loss of interest in the usual daily affairs of life and work; feelings of loneliness and mental pain; crying; breathing disturbances, including frequent deep sighs; insomnia; appetite loss; and preoccupation with many memories about the lost one. It appears that the normally bereaved person actually loses interest in most phases of daily life in order to concentrate on remembering how his life was influenced and enriched by the lost one.

It appears, too, that it is necessary for him to suffer through, detail by detail, his loss, realizing it in terms of the role the lost one played in various segments of his life. Only after he has gone through this process can he truly return to emotional stability and normal activity. On the other hand, unsuccessful mourners who later develop illnesses depart in one or several ways from this process. Some throw them- selves into more business or other activity than usual, trying in that fashion to escape the trials of mourning. They do not cry. Some show a strange cheerfulness; others merely say that they feel numb or empty.