Treatment for Mental Illnesses,

NUMBER OF FRIENDS

 Generally, men and women who have had many friends of each sex before marriage are likely to be the types who will make satisfactory mates.

MEMBERSHIP IN ORGANIZATIONS

 It may be a good sign if an individual is a member of a social, labor, or other club or organization, indicating that he accepts, and is accepted by, a large group of people.

EMOTIONAL ADJUSTMENT

 Obviously, people who are emotionally well- adjusted have the best chance for happiness in life and for making the many adjustments required in marriage. Some authorities list the following characteristics which should be considered before marriage and advise that at least two of the good characteristics should be present: GOOD BAD Optimistic personality Pessimistic personality Dominating personality Cooperativeness Consideration and sympathy Inconsiderate and unsympathetic Some degree of emotional dependence Too self-sufficient emotionally; too much narcissism or self-love Dependent personality; too strong an attachment to parents

NEUROTIC MARRIAGES

What do most people seek when they marry? Happiness, of course, but other things, too

 Some marry for security; some for love; some for prestige or social gain; some because it is time to marry, to be grown-up, or to have children and family. There are other conscious, and socially acceptable, reasons. But if, without realizing it, people marry for buried neurotic reasons, a marriage is not likely to be successful. For example, some men marry women not really as wives but as mothers; and some women seek fathers in their spouses rather than husbands. Some people seek mates who will serve as father and mother, the omnipotent decision-making parents of early childhood.

Some unhappiness is to be expected in every marriage, but when the unhappiness is constant and pervading, outweighing the pleasure and satisfaction that should be expected of marriage, the marriage is neurotic. It is sometimes possible for a neurotic marriage to seem to go along fairly well but it is so precariously balanced that any new factor may tip the scales. That is especially likely when a child is born, for then the neurotic partner may find the situation intolerable, regarding the child as a competitor. It is helpful to understand that the neurotic factors an adult brings into marriage are likely to have had origins in childhood. Thus, the son of a domineering father who made all the decisions may have a desire to avoid adult responsibility and may well seek a wife who will make the family decisions. If he finds such a wife, his marriage may be far from blissful but not an outright obvious failure. But if the wife, like he, is a decision avoider, there can be chaos as each waits for the other to move. Many factors in childhood may-though they certainly do not necessarily always-lead to difficulties in marriage.

They include sibling (brother or sister) rivalry, favoritism, too demanding or too indulgent parents, parental discord and divorce, uncertain parental discipline, over- protectiveness. It is helpful to understand the influence of such factors both in terms of choosing a marriage partner and, later, if there should be difficulty. Such understanding may in itself help a little to ease the problem, and it may permit proper help to be sought to save the marriage.